Fun things about this moment in history:
Apocalyptic hysteria means lots of Christian cult splinter groups, and of course the big Mumbo players like the Witnesses and The Saints and the Knights of Whomever, are actively seeking the presence and evidence for the presence of:

A. The great (leader, prince) Michael. A figure burned into the Apocalyptic template in the seemingly hopefully prophetic Book of Daniel in the Holy Bible's Old Testament.
B. The Anti-Christ, and/or The Beast. Not to mention the Scarlet Woman etc. prefigured in the Book of Revelations the seemingly hopefully well it says it is, prophecy of the End Times of which these mindless and tiny tiny hearted individuals are desperately hopeful we are now in the middle of right exactly.
A time of trouble such as the world has never seen.
The Old Testament version of the 'End Times' of course includes the Judaic magical thinkers as well as the Christian.
Those two figures, Michael and the Beast and/or Anti-Christ, though, are highly profiled, in many different and exciting ways, and there are people and I mean lots of people who are actively hungry for some sign of their being here and operating among us in this sad evil place the world is now. And all that yadda yadda about it's always been that way is fine if it makes you more relaxed but the truth is it's tightening the spiral, the feedback loop is in ultra-sonic shriek mode.

Fun things about my life:
My name profiles equally. Michael and Beast.
Happy for me it's relatively common and there's at least two relatively and much more than me famous guys with that name. Though the undergroundy infamous part is way different. But.
It has come up repeatedly starting with the earliest retrievable conscious at this time memory of when I was in Junior College and some dweeby little Jesus pud demanded to know my middle name in an authoritative and commanding tone. I dropped into my interrogation-ready fool mode, something I suffer still to this day, where I'm all helpful and ready to avoid further nastiness like before when they... and I said in somewhat spontaneous and darkly or not inspired impulse 'Stephen' which as some of you know already is NOT my real middle name. But.
The numerological significance and believe me ladies and gentleman no joke I saw the little motherfucker do the calc right on the spot and gasp in horror and back away, the first and last names, of which I am the bearer one among many of, do the number jive to 6, and Stephen spelled thatway also does that. My real name, Sean does not. The number of the uhmm, well, that number.
That is a very true and to the death-wall of permanent insistence it happened to me thing.
That was when I was 21. I am not 21 any more. I am not even 42.
My entire adult life has been a bad dream of dull nothingness and horrifying events far more traumatizing than that little mosquito bite of insanity and absurd nonsensicality. But.
What I want to get into the public record here is these assholes with their God-given sanction will pick up and investigate anyone on either side of that wonderful sporting event who might possibly be in a uniform that is not readily apparent to civilians or those not 'in the know' and investigate them to the best of their instrumentation's and technique's abilities and then if and should the subject not qualify for either the glorious wonderfulness of angelic prefiguration or the loathesome evil and dangerous dark badness of demonic bestialness, should the aforesaid subject prove to be some shlub of no real consequence, after having undergone the disruptive and violating investigation including who knows what kind of weird-ass surveillance and etc. paranoia-inducing bullshit, said aforementioned person will be just set down at the side of the road and allowed to go back to and on about the business of their now forever unavailable normal lives. As it were. With a still careful and potentially watchful eye on things just in case. Not that all the heat in my life is just because some jerk thought I was God's disinherited step-child. But somewhere in here or there somebody needs to face up to how much shit this crazy bullshit has generated on its own feedback cycle. And thus a better understanding of my own particular stance on these things would be more clear and understood as coming from real causes other than my own evil or blessed nature. But more the honest emotional reaction of an essentially basically could have been fairly normal guy with an abnormal intelligence and a bizarre or rather slightly exceptional home life etc. Except that all along there's been this horseshit, and I am so done with horseshit like that. You stole my life motherfuckers. And here's a little prayer I pray most every day sometimes.
Oh fuck you mighty ones all and each I have nothing in my heart for you forever but annihilation, the goodness of my heart is that I never dwell on it being slow or fast just gone get out goodbye good riddance go away. Yep.
Oh yes yes. Whatever it was you thought you did it was not what I would say was something that actually worked. I have seen your little angels here and there throughout this asshole journey from sphincter to rectum, I don't need to see anymore.
I should have figured it out years ago. The parents were full of shit, the teachers were full of shit, the principal was full of shit, the cops were full of shit, the family doctor was full of shit, the mayor was full of shit, major scientists were full of shit, the senator was full of shit, the president was full of shit, the Pope was full of shit. Hey you don't suppose...?

I have seen this following business recently, and before that often, with my own eyes. People having heard, and don't you fucking pretend it's not real asshole, people having heard that there are out there in the fringe of all our loopy profusion, those who have nominated me for the upful mention in that binary roll call, and these practical heavily-invested-in-the-way-things-are folks, these I read the paper and Newsweek and the WSJ, folk, and they look at me and go HIM? Hunh. Never.
And I myself never get a chance to express my real feelings in the matter, which are of an inchoate and surprisingly final nature. Listen assholes, I never once put myself forward in any direct way for any of it. Of course I thought about it how could I not? Shit just kept happening over and over that required massive denial on my part NOT to think about it. You small-minded little motherfuckers have destroyed my life with this garbage. And that's really where I leave it. What I pray for is to have you treated in exactly the way you have treated me. Total disregard for my own person, complete heartless disregard for the reality of my life in the midst of all this nonsense and fear and superstition, and exactly as much forgiveness as you have shown to me.
Right back at ya.

posted by Juke at 12:17 PM [edit]